Before I was a mom I had convinced myself that disciplining your kids cannot be that difficult. Now that I am a mom, that theory is still true. The difficult part is realizing you cannot force your child to obey and listen. Thinking God would give me an easy first child, one that never disobeyed, always did what she was asked, didn't talk back, scream etc., when in all actuality that could not be more opposite. Not being a strong-willed person myself, I struggled severely with trying to relate to my very strong willed child. Many tears, prayers, and behaviors that I am not proud of, I have finally started to understand her. For so long I felt she was lashing out at me, and could not wrap my mind around why she would NOT listen to ANYthing I said or her daddy for that matter. The crime is worth the punishment to her, that just pretty much sums it up. Everyone always told me, "being strong-willed is a good thing, it's just knowing how to and steering it in the right direction." And they are right! The older I get, the more strong-willed I become. Growing up I never bucked the system. I was too shy, quiet, never spoke what was on my heart and mind. (Insert horrible communication skills as an adult now. Yuck!). My second baby comes along. She's laid back, at first! Then she turns into the climbing on the table, drinking water from the toilet, kind of kid. Now she's two. Lawdy, she's your typical two year old! She's hilarious and makes me want to pull my eyes out all at the same time. Sometimes I just want to sit and be lazy, and instead I'm calling her name 20 times trying to locate her in the house because she's too quiet. Bless her heart. Then my third baby comes along, and I get that sweet, cuddly, innocent, melt your heart, precious baby boy. With each kid, my heart grew that much more. With this baby boy, it tugged on some deep heart strings that I didn't know where there. Of course, I don't love him more than my girls, there's just a bond that is clearly for momma's and their baby boys. He's still pretty perfect at the moment (he's only 4 months old!). He finally figured out how to sleep all night, and sleep in... seriously it doesn't get any better than that!
Life with three small children is very adventuresome. I wish there were more moments that I wrote down. I wish there were so many more times that I didn't turn into beast momma mode. I wish there were more times that I just let the mess be made and realized they are just a kid. I wish more moms took time to take care of themselves, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and everything else in between. That's where I'm at in my journey. Learning to not spin more plates that I can handle, and not being too prideful to admit it. Letting the little things go, and sometimes the big things. Heaven forbid we extend Mercy every once in a while. Being a better listener, communicator, wife, mother, friend, and person in general is a journey I've been on for a while. When I look back I don't see near the progress I should have made.
No more. No, this is not my New Year's resolution... duh, it's April. This is the better me, resolution.