It never ceases to amaze me how God is always present in every situation we encounter, even when he seems far away.
He is always so personal and specific to what we need to hear, feel, etc. This week while Chris was gone, I struggled greatly with my kids. As bad as their behavior was at times I found myself being the ultimate source of the problem. I also found myself with the answer to my problem, I was just to stubborn to take advantage of it.
We're in a series at church about the Holy Spirit and it has been incredible. I had the strong desire Sunday when I left church to want to become more engaged and in tune with allowing the Holy Spirit to move and operate in my life on a more deeper level. Satan knows exactly where to throw the punches below the belt, and for me that is with my kids and their behavior; but also my response and reactions.
This week was just bad, no other way to describe it.
I had a long time praying with God yesterday and was so convicted and encouraged. This power that as a Christian I have access to, I wasn't utilizing. What I wanted on Sunday wasn't evident in my life at all this week because of my lack of trying. There are some changes happening in my life that are good, even despite the fact that they caught me totally off guard. For some time now God has been dealing with me more in areas of fulfilling the call he has on my life. I have been so consumed with the growing passion I've had for IT (the calling) that I've neglected THE calling in my own home, if I may be honest.
It's hard for me - and that is no excuse whatsoever. I butt heads with my girls, I have a temper when things don't go my way, my anxiety kicks in and all kinds of emotions go crazy in me. I have said multiple times in my head, "I am not good enough or right for this mom job" not because I don't love my kids, but because I allow them to trigger the worst parts of me. I even freaked out on Chris this week because he said something that I took the wrong way and I ran with it.
What am I trying to say? I'm a visual person... I picture my life in levels, and when I get one level accomplished, or taken care of I move to the next.
The Bible talks about the man who built his house on the sand and the man who built his house on the rock. I love how the Message version puts it (while some may disagree, that's okay!).
Matt. 7:24-27 "“These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.