Sunday, April 6, 2014

Okay, okay, I get it!

Today was the first Sunday in our new church building. A building is just a building. Nothing more to it than its four walls. Leaving the old building, and starting fresh in the new one had me emotional, and I really wasn't expecting it. As I sat in my chair soaking everything in before service started, all of the pain, emotions, and healing that took place in that old "building" came flooding in. Those old four walls meant something to me. Pieces of my heart and mind that were shattered, were put back together there. Remembering the incredible things God did in the old building, and anticipating what He was going to do in this new building was so overwhelming. 

Minutes later a song was played and these lyrics slapped me in my face.

"Oh the things we do in His name
I wonder if He shakes his head

And thinks that’s not what I meant
What does hurting, the hurting, prove
If we’re supposed to love
I wonder why we judge
When grace has, graced us too"

I have always said that hurt people, hurt people. This was me, and really, is still me. I was too prideful to admit that I was the one hurting on the inside, therefore my immediate reaction was to hurt others. Truthfully, it was never on purpose, but that was the condition of my heart, so that's what flowed out. Even though it was never directed towards a specific individual, my persona, facial expressions, quick temper, and speech was/is not always purposeful in building others up. 

I have been given more than my fair share of second chances. Grace has covered more than I deserve. I set out a goal a while back to extend grace to others, as grace has been extended to me. But, I've forgot about that goal along the way. Who we are on the inside flows out of us on the outside. As a wife, my ultimate goal is to be that prized possession to my hubs, because of the goodness and kindness that flows out of my heart. Not only towards him, but as a person in general. Have you ever felt like you just wanted to be a "good" person? I have, and I do.  I want my kids to naturally love God, and embrace His love based on how I live. I want those around me to want to love God, and follow Him because of how I live. I don't want to be liked or loved because of me, but because of the things that Christ has done in me.

Hopefully, I'm starting to get this right. Hopefully, God won't have to constantly shake his head at me. Or you! 

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