Monday, November 21, 2016

#RelationshipGoals


The odds are slim that many men read my blog here, but chances are there a few. Actually, I know of a handful because they have told me, but that’s probably it, HA! That’s okay though. Although, this post could increase those chances!  I’m a follower of Jesus, and a wife, and a mom, and a sister, and a daughter, and a friend, and anything else related – so I mostly stick to those topics! Today though, I'm switching gears a bit. 

For you men, you can shake my hand later because let’s be honest, men generally reserve their hugs for the special people in their life.  I said generally, as you’ll read on, not all men are created equal. (Gasp!)

I have had this topic turning in my head for a while now, and the more I see it, the more moved I am with great compassion to share the love. The real love. Not the fairy tale love, or the love seen in the movies, or on you tube videos shared on the internet a million times.
We’ve all seen them. Those videos of the groom at the altar just crying and boohooing his eyes out. The one with the best-man standing next to him cuddling and holding him as he watches, or cries while his beautiful bride walks down the aisle to meet him. 
Those videos... #relationshipgoals videos...
The ones every single lady holds on to for dear life as true love. How we long for a man to cry and weep for us at the altar on our wedding day. But here’s the deal: (embrace yourself ladies) chances of that happening are not 100% guaranteed for you and you need to be okay with that because that is okay!
Not all men are created equal. Not all women are created equal. I’m not talking politics here, let’s clear the air real quick. I’m talking about how we’ve been created. We are created uniquely, not equally. Men are also not emotionally wired the same. Some men cry, some men do not. Some men cry when they land a hole in one on the golf course, and some men yell, shout and throw their golf club, while others yell on the inside and let out a little smirk of a smile. Some men cry when they see their bride walking down the aisle, and some men smile with the goofiest and cheesiest grin ever mustered, while others stand there blushing.
If your idea of  true love is defined by the expression on what your man does at the altar, I can promise you, that you are walking in a danger zone for you, your spouse and your marriage. The fact of the matter is, is that you have no idea what he’s going to do when he sees you in that white gown, all dolled up. He has no idea what he’s going to do either. If for a second your heart breaks when he doesn’t cry or weep {as the trend seems to be} over you, that in NO way lowers his love for you. He’s just not a crier, that’s all. It’s not you, it’s him. It’s his DNA. It’s how he is wired. If he bawls and squalls like a baby, then let him. Someone in the audience will probably video it and share it on some social media site, and everyone will comment on how precious it is. BUT, that does not for a second mean he loves his wife more than your man loves you.
I see SO many young girls, college girls, and single ladies in general so desperate for Mr. Right, and the qualities they want in Mr. Right – as normal. However, I also see so many of these individuals looking at love and for love in “things” instead of someone’s character, and heart.  In their world their man loves them if he spoils them with all the Taco’s, and Victoria’s Secret they could ever want. They’re looking for love in what is given to them, or done for them instead of what is inside of them.
We validate our emotions by whatever feels good. Sometimes love doesn’t feel good. Sometimes love is a choice you choose to make when you would rather throw in the towel.
I get it, it’s fun to be spoiled, and pampered with gifts. But friend, if you’re in it for the gifts and pampering, and the feel goods neither one of you have built a foundation that can be stood on when crap hits the fan, and your relationship will crumble quick.  I was watching a reality show the other day, and this unmarried couple was in the middle of a heated discussion. They had parted ways for a day or two to let the dust settle. The guy came back and apologized for whatever it was he did wrong on his part, and his girlfriend refused to accept it. In her interview she said, “he didn’t even bring me flowers, or anything, he just said ‘I’m sorry’ and I’m supposed to just accept that? No way!” I sat on my couch, all by myself fuming at some girl on TV that I didn’t even know. The fact of the matter is, is this is the real world SOOOOO many girls, and ladies live in today.
(Snaps fingers) Girlfriend, you accept his apology with flowers or without flowers. Don’t for a second expect your man to walk in with a dozen roses or whatever your gift of choice is to win your heart back.
 If you can’t love him empty handed, then you really don’t love him with his hands full.
Love is not a fairy tale; in fact it is the opposite. Marriage is most definitely not a fairy tale; it too, is the opposite. Love is a decision you make because once upon a time you fell in love with someone whom your soul loves, not just your emotions. Love is choice you must make because there will be a day when the only choice you want to make, is to leave. Love is a commitment that requires constant attention, work and dedication. Those couples you see madly in love 15 years into their marriage are that way because of the 15 years of work they put in that marriage. I promise you it wasn’t the Taco’s or Victoria’s Secret. Mrs. Right still isn't in love with the man who cried for her at the altar, she is in love with the man who cried for her in those dark times when giving up on each other sounded better.
If you’re the crying kind, and looking for a man to cry over you at the altar, your best choice is to look for him crying at the altar before Jesus first. If your man doesn’t cry when you walk down that aisle, you love the heck out of that goofy grin or whatever facial expression he has going on. There odds are, he is has a few other things going through his mind anyway - including you!  

If you're looking for a man to meet the desires of your heart, seek God and let him meet your desires before a human being tries to. God knows who you need, after all, he created you! 



1 comment:

  1. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it, girlfriend! I am so proud of you and thanks for sharing your transparency with all of us. God bless you!

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