#RelationshipGoals

The odds are slim that many men read my blog here, but chances are there a few. Actually, I know of a handful because they have told me, but that’s probably it, HA! That’s okay though. Although, this post could increase those chances!  I’m a follower of Jesus, and a wife, and a mom, and a sister, and a daughter, and a friend, and anything else related – so I mostly stick to those topics! Today though, I'm switching gears a bit. 

For you men, you can shake my hand later because let’s be honest, men generally reserve their hugs for the special people in their life.  I said generally, as you’ll read on, not all men are created equal. (Gasp!)

I have had this topic turning in my head for a while now, and the more I see it, the more moved I am with great compassion to share the love. The real love. Not the fairy tale love, or the love seen in the movies, or on you tube videos shared on the internet a million times.

We’ve all seen them. Those videos of the groom at the altar just crying and boohooing his eyes out. The one with the best-man standing next to him cuddling and holding him as he watches, or cries while his beautiful bride walks down the aisle to meet him. 

Those videos... #relationshipgoals videos...

The ones every single lady holds on to for dear life as true love. How we long for a man to cry and weep for us at the altar on our wedding day. But here’s the deal: (embrace yourself ladies) chances of that happening are not 100% guaranteed for you and you need to be okay with that because that is okay!

Not all men are created equal. Not all women are created equal. I’m not talking politics here, let’s clear the air real quick. I’m talking about how we’ve been created. We are created uniquely, not equally. Men are also not emotionally wired the same. Some men cry, some men do not. Some men cry when they land a hole in one on the golf course, and some men yell, shout and throw their golf club, while others yell on the inside and let out a little smirk of a smile. Some men cry when they see their bride walking down the aisle, and some men smile with the goofiest and cheesiest grin ever mustered, while others stand there blushing.

If your idea of  true love is defined by the expression on what your man does at the altar, I can promise you, that you are walking in a danger zone for you, your spouse and your marriage. The fact of the matter is, is that you have no idea what he’s going to do when he sees you in that white gown, all dolled up. He has no idea what he’s going to do either. If for a second your heart breaks when he doesn’t cry or weep {as the trend seems to be} over you, that in NO way lowers his love for you. He’s just not a crier, that’s all. It’s not you, it’s him. It’s his DNA. It’s how he is wired. If he bawls and squalls like a baby, then let him. Someone in the audience will probably video it and share it on some social media site, and everyone will comment on how precious it is. BUT, that does not for a second mean he loves his wife more than your man loves you.

I see SO many young girls, college girls, and single ladies in general so desperate for Mr. Right, and the qualities they want in Mr. Right – as normal. However, I also see so many of these individuals looking at love and for love in “things” instead of someone’s character, and heart.  In their world their man loves them if he spoils them with all the Taco’s, and Victoria’s Secret they could ever want. They’re looking for love in what is given to them, or done for them instead of what is inside of them.

We validate our emotions by whatever feels good. Sometimes love doesn’t feel good. Sometimes love is a choice you choose to make when you would rather throw in the towel.

I get it, it’s fun to be spoiled, and pampered with gifts. But friend, if you’re in it for the gifts and pampering, and the feel goods neither one of you have built a foundation that can be stood on when crap hits the fan, and your relationship will crumble quick.  I was watching a reality show the other day, and this unmarried couple was in the middle of a heated discussion. They had parted ways for a day or two to let the dust settle. The guy came back and apologized for whatever it was he did wrong on his part, and his girlfriend refused to accept it. In her interview she said, “he didn’t even bring me flowers, or anything, he just said ‘I’m sorry’ and I’m supposed to just accept that? No way!” I sat on my couch, all by myself fuming at some girl on TV that I didn’t even know. The fact of the matter is, is this is the real world SOOOOO many girls, and ladies live in today.

(Snaps fingers) Girlfriend, you accept his apology with flowers or without flowers. Don’t for a second expect your man to walk in with a dozen roses or whatever your gift of choice is to win your heart back.

 If you can’t love him empty handed, then you really don’t love him with his hands full.

Love is not a fairy tale; in fact it is the opposite. Marriage is most definitely not a fairy tale; it too, is the opposite. Love is a decision you make because once upon a time you fell in love with someone whom your soul loves, not just your emotions. Love is choice you must make because there will be a day when the only choice you want to make, is to leave. Love is a commitment that requires constant attention, work and dedication. Those couples you see madly in love 15 years into their marriage are that way because of the 15 years of work they put in that marriage. I promise you it wasn’t the Taco’s or Victoria’s Secret. Mrs. Right still isn't in love with the man who cried for her at the altar, she is in love with the man who cried for her in those dark times when giving up on each other sounded better.

If you’re the crying kind, and looking for a man to cry over you at the altar, your best choice is to look for him crying at the altar before Jesus first. If your man doesn’t cry when you walk down that aisle, you love the heck out of that goofy grin or whatever facial expression he has going on. There odds are, he is has a few other things going through his mind anyway - including you!  

If you're looking for a man to meet the desires of your heart, seek God and let him meet your desires before a human being tries to. God knows who you need, after all, he created you! 

Fortune Cookies and Jesus

I stopped in Target last night to get a few things for Emily’s birthday party and ran into a friend in the shopping isle. We started talking about a friend of ours and my friend mentioned that she has noticed a change (in a positive way) in this person. We were talking about our hopes and cheering her on. The conversation ended, and we went our separate ways.

Afterwards I headed over to Panda Express across the street to grab a quick late dinner, which by the way is a not an eat in the car friendly meal, not  sure what I was thinking there. On the way home, the conversation I had with my friend in Target came back to mind. I started to pray for her, I had that feeling like I needed to so I did. I tend to have some of my best one on one moments with Jesus while driving in my car. Many of the things I write about are from those moments. Obviously I can’t read my bible and drive at the same time, but seriously thank you Jesus for the E-bible that I can read at any given time. I love the radio and used to never not have it on, but I find myself more and more leaving it off or waiting a while before turning it on. In the stillness and quietness I often times sense God the loudest. Considering I have three children, who are active and busy, I tend to enjoy the quiet time, me moments when I have them.

Back to the conversation… as I was praying for my friend, I started praying for my other friends in a similar situation, which then led to praying for people in general, including myself. I was praying that God would help my friend overcome their comfort zone and just step out of it. That lead to me praying over my comfort zone, and so on. As I’m praying it hits me. That amen moment… that moment when the word comes to life and puts two and two together and it makes sense. I wanted to ‘amen’ my thoughts and I can say that humbly because they were not my own. God was growing his word that we are supposed to hide in our hearts, so it can come alive and shine a light in our dark world. 

I’ve mentioned it a few times before in previous blogs that satan puts blindfolds on to keep us hidden from the truth. He knows what is on the other side of the lies. He knows the life to be had. He knows the victories to be won. He knows. But because he is defeated, and has no victory, no power, and no authority he wants to keep you and everyone else feeling the same.  

So, often times we remain because it’s comfortable. It doesn’t require anything from us, other than to just go through the motions. Like a hamster on its spinning wheel, over and over and over. Life right now may be excellent for you, but at the end of the day there’s still a missing piece that nothing else you’re doing will fulfill.

The truth is, is that when you step out of your comfort zone you then step into the comfort zone that awaits you. The lie that satan wants you to believe is that if you step out of your comfort zone, you don’t know what is on the other side and that is one scary risk to take.

He wants us to be so afraid of what ‘could’ happen; how we might appear to others;  and has us so worried about it making us look and feel uncomfortable. If he can keep us where we are, he doesn’t have to worry about what we might do. He silently convinces us that it is better to live in or own comforts, just to keep us away from the one who IS the comforter. The holy spirit was and is given to every believer to help us live boldly, unashamed, to have the power within to make bold choices AND to live comforted, comfortable in Christ. 

Without a doubt, I believe that more people would surrender up their comfort zones if they could see through the lies of the enemy and into the truth that is found by exercising our faith.  Faith is an action word, it needs to be put to work. The ground has to be tilled in order for seeds to be planted into the ground to grow.  

Here is the cool, shock and awe part that happened to me. After I finished my Panda Express, I opened up my fortune cookie… my favorite part! I don’t believe in fortune telling, or anything of the nature but I do believe that God is all powerful and knowing and can use ANYthing to speak to us. My fortune read: “you are going to live a comfortable life.” Out loud in my car I sad, “WHATTT?” On my entire ride home my prayer was over comfort zones and being comfortable and God was pouring into me everything you just read and then this is what I pull out of a sugar cookie just for fun? 

God is that serious about this that he would confirm his word to me on a piece of paper that most of the time I say, “in bed” after I read it. But that is exactly what he did, because he is serious about you and I. He is serious about chasing after us, and will do whatever he has to, to get and keep our attention. He is serious about us getting out of our comfort zones, so we can reach people that need to step out of theirs. 

When my dad died, I 100% understood the role of the holy spirit as the comforter in my life. A massive hole in my heart happened the second my dad took his last breath. During my moments of heartache and human frustration I have not once been angry at God, or resented what "he did" to my dad. All of this stuff I've believed and do my best to live my  has literally come to life in my dark and most painful moments. I honestly can't explain it. Yes, some days it hurts to my core, but the comfort I feel {literally} is what has sustained me. 

Does it cost us something to follow Jesus, yes it does – ourselves. It cost him his own life. The cost for you and I is great, and maybe it will cost you a certain way you like to live. But the way you “like” to live now cannot compare to the life he wants to give you in exchange. The life that fulfills us when nothing else can. The life that you’re curious about all the time. The life you want to live but are too afraid of. The live you want but don’t think you can have. The life that sustains you and keeps you when your comforts in life are falling apart. The life that right now you don't think you need, but you do. The life that is everlasting and eternal. The life that brings hope and peace where chaos abounds. The life that makes sense when nothing else does.

Following Jesus will may you feel uncomfortable in the most comfortable way. The saying, "don't knock it 'til you try it" ... it applies here, too! 

I would love to talk or pray with you! 

Life is about you.

We are all looking out of the same window called life. What are you doing about what you see? Have you thought about it? Do you feel compelled to do anything? Are you just living to make it? Are you lost in your purpose for living? Are you constantly looking for more? Are you anxious about doing something but scared to step out? Are you living for yourself or for others? What do you see? What do you want to see? What are you willing to do about it? 

It's so easy to get caught up in ourselves that we neglect the reason we really exist here. I don't know about you, but I don't want to just live for me. It's comfortable there, for sure but there is so much more to live for. So many more people to do for. So many more lives to reach. So many more problems than just my own.

What if my problems are meant to help someone else? What if my struggles are a lesson for others to learn from? What if my victories are a reflection of who Jesus really is? What if yours are too?

As a mom, my first priority to my kids is to show them Jesus in my words and in my actions. To help them develop a relationship with Him that is personal to them. Have I failed at times, miserably. He would do things so much differently than what I did, but I refuse to live in satan's guilt trap. And so should you. If you're there, you don't have to be. Get up, get in your word and keep overcoming. 

As a wife, my first priority to my husband is to love him with respect. (Notice I didn't say just love or just respect, it goes hand it hand). Have I failed him at times, far more than I want to admit. My position as his wife will be blessed and honored when I fulfill who I am called to be to him. Some days it's easy and some days it's not. We're human, we mess it up, but we forgive and keep trying. I don't know where you are in your role as a wife, but regardless of how you feel your husband should be treated, you best love him with respect. Men feel loved when respected, they aren't like us needy ladies who NEED to feel love by being loved. They are wired that way for a reason - embrace it, own it, and honor it! You're going to mess it up, just like he will but don't give up on each other. 

As a human being roaming this planet, my first priority is to know God and to make him known. To love God and love others. To serve God and to serve others. To make a difference in this world. None of which is possible when I am only focused on myself. Am I at times, big yes. I mean, it is so easy to focus on ourselves. We're full of stuff that we constantly have to battle and work through. It's easy to focus so much on ourselves that we forget about everyone else, and unselfishly at that. Although in today's culture we are selfish. In our appearances, our motives, you name it we live in a "selfie" generation. 

If the only thing you conquer in this life is your self, you've missed the entire point. 

While you and I make up a piece of the puzzle in this life it takes us ALL to put the puzzle together. 

We were created and put on this earth for a reason: to know God through relationship with his son; to raise up a standard against the enemy and his evil ways; to make God known to those who slip under the enemy's destructive and sinful trap which is all of us; and to worship God. 

Too often we get mad at God and blame him for the evil in this world. Too often we fail to see that satan's priority on this earth is to see evil prevail in our lives, our family, our schools, our government, and so on. While he seeks whom he can devour, as Christians our role is to seek those who need saved and rescued. We have a part to play. We have the power within is to do so, but if we just sit on it, it's useless.

It's easier to worry about what people say or think about us. I want people to talk about me because of the Jesus inside of me. I want people to feel compelled and challenged to do more. I want people to know they don't have to feel like the victim anymore. I want people to feel accepted despite their flaws and mistakes. I want people to know that sometimes I don't get it right. Sometimes, a lot of the time I don't get it right, but Jesus always does and in my faithfulness I'll begin to get it right more often than not. I want people to see that there is a need in this world and that they have a part to play. I want people to know that God has SO much more for their life if they'll just taste and see. I want people to know that satan wants to destroy them, but God wants to restore them. 

In this world we will always have trials, that's why Jesus came. He conquered them and overcame them - and in Him, you can too. 

Life is about you, but not ALL about you. What part are you playing? Have you discovered your part yet? What keeps holding you back? What keeps pushing you forward? 

Maybe you're waiting for the right time, but time doesn't wait on you... those minutes are going to keep ticking until the grand father of all clocks stops the time, and then it's too late. Your time is right now. My time is right now - see you just admitted it!

Mind Games.

When I read this portion of the verse found in Romans 12:2 (NTL) version, the words literally jumped off the page and slapped me in the face. I love the translation of this verse: "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

So often we become a victim to our thoughts, and perspectives’ that we truly fail to view things in light of God’s perspective. We become so tangled up in our own messes that our minds cannot truly comprehend anything else. We view people a certain way based on our own flesh’s perspective instead of how God views them. We isolate our thoughts based on our circumstances. When God asks us to do something, we fall short to what our mind tells us what we can or cannot do. When instead we should allow God to transform our thought process to what HIS abilities in us and through us can accomplish.

The reason we cannot overcome ourselves time and time again is because our mind is not in alignment with the things that God has put in our heart. We think one thing and feel another. No, we don’t live by what we feel, but it is in the heart where God transforms our feelings. You know the, "from the heart the mouth speaks" verse that we preach all the time?! And it is our minds that dictate what we do with those feelings. Living by our feelings often times leads us to making irrational decisions because we acted on what WE felt, and not a what our mind processed and thought was okay. Our mind is powerful, and if we don’t allow God to change our way of thinking, our decisions are based on ourselves and not what God wants for us.

Am I saying that in every single decision you make you need to pray about it, or think about it through God’s perspective? Not at all. You don’t pray about having to use the restroom, you just go. You don’t pray about taking a drink of water if you’re thirsty, you just drink it. You don’t pray about being kind to someone, you just show kindness. The list could go on. However, I am saying that if the way you’re thinking isn’t leading you to fulfill the purpose and plan that God has for your life, then you need to pray about it. When we allow the Holy Spirit to change our way of thinking, our thoughts start to appear differently. No longer are you consumed with only satisfying yourself and your needs. No longer are you consumed with your personal desires and opinions. No longer are you consumed by yourself and the things you are good at.

To allow God to change our way of thinking is to be consumed with meeting someone else’s need; to help someone else fulfill their calling and purpose; and to focus on the impact we can make in someone’s eternity.

Not a single person is incapable of this.

Satan wants to constantly remind us of what we are not capable of.  I mean, in a way, he is right. On our own we are not capable of fulfilling all that God has for us.  When we allow God to change our thinking, we begin to understand that it is because of God that we are capable. It is because of God’s abilities and power in us that we can overcome our own thought process. It is because of God’s love in us that changes our perspective on how we view those around us. It is because of God that we can complete the desires he has put in our heart. It is because of God that his word comes alive in our life when we apply it.  It is because of God that our focus turns off of ourselves and onto everyone else.

 I don’t for a second believe that God wants us to remain inadequate vessels who can’t do anything for ourselves. I don’t believe that God thinks little of us because without him we aren’t powerful. I do believe that because God created us, he knows exactly how to make all the pieces work properly like they should. I do believe that because he formed us in HIS image and because HE is all powerful, he knows what we can accomplish with his power living inside of us. God takes our weaknesses and makes us strong. God takes our brokenness and makes us whole. God takes our sin and makes us holy. If he only thought of us as weaklings who were worthless without him, then HE would only boast about how great he is; but instead he boasts about OUR greatness and potential because of him.

God doesn’t need to prove to you that he is great and mighty. God wants to prove to you, that in you and through you, he can make you great and mighty. He tells us that in Ephesians 6:10, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.”  Not for your own personal gain, but for the lives that you can reach for the kingdom.  For the lives that are waiting for someone like you to meet their need. For the lives that are depending on you to show them the way to Jesus.  As soon as we take our eyes and focus off of the work he wants to do in us, we’ll drop the ball every time. That is where mercy and grace usher in to pick us up and keep us moving forward. We are not perfect, and we won’t do it perfectly, ever. But we can be consistent as we become persistent. 

God will make you able, all you need to do is be available.  

The Awkward Years

Once upon a time I was a greasy faced, pimple poppin’, chubby (maybe still am), awkward 12 year old. It seems like now-a-days that 12 year old's do not look anything like the other 12 year old's in my day. You can’t understand what real awkward is like or truly looked like unless you lived pre social media, smart phone, there’s an app for that age. Which is probably the majority of people reading this, HA! Don’t get me wrong, there were “those” girls that seemed to bypass the awkward phase and that wasn’t fair, but these days it seems like NO one goes through that anymore. Completely and truly unfair. Awkwardness builds character… said no one ever. Or at least that’s how I felt  about it. You couldn’t pay me enough money to go back and relive those days. 

Really though… I can’t say that being a greasy faced, pimple poppin’, chubby kid made me who I am today, other than the fact that it taught me a lot of lessons. Maybe it kind of made me who I am today, I don’t know?? Do I want to admit that? I don’t know that either.

What it did do was drag my confidence through the dirt, and planted seeds in that dirt along the way. Seeds that I didn’t know where there until later on in life. Thankfully I grew out of that a little bit – until I decided to perm my hair in the 11^th grade. What was I thinking? I can still vividly see my yearbook picture in my head. Sometime though, over that summer I grew into someone I was always afraid of. Those seeds I unknowingly planted years before started to bloom.

All the praise hands that it wasn’t blooms of more spontaneous awkwardness.

I grew into shoes of confidence I didn’t know I had. I determined that the summer after 11th grade, I didn’t have to live in my shy bubble of being intimidated by my lack of confidence in myself. That summer also brought some other life altering moments. 

Leading up to my senior year there were some decisions I was facing. My senior year was coming up and I was either dropping out of school (seriously thought about it) or switching schools. Dropping out wasn’t an option to my parents, so switching schools it was. The SCARIEST THING IN MY LIFE EVER. Yet, it was also very exciting. The person I grew into that summer wasn’t afraid of what was ahead. Walking into that small school my nerves were all over the place. It was so small that everyone knew about me coming before I stepped foot in the school, ha. That was also so welcoming though, as I was embraced by so many people. As that year went on, I was a part of events and clubs that I would have never stepped foot in, in my old school. It was truly a life saver for me. Not a single person knew what I was going through, or who I was for that matter. The most freeing part of being there was I felt like I could be my 100% self and it was okay. That year literally changed my life. The dreaded awkward years (not just at age 12) before that, I truly believe were purposeful to who I became that year.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems as though people don’t know how to embrace their awkwardness. We didn’t know the perfect way to wear our make-up or style our eye brows. I don’t recall seeing mom’s more obsessed with their own outward appearance instead of being a constant appearance in their kids lives.  Oh, I’m sure it happened, but it wasn’t the norm – at least where I grew up. I know for sure we weren’t running around taking obsessive selfies of ourselves that are so filtered you couldn’t see that the morning’s makeup was already smudged off. I should probably add that the Polaroid wasn't that fancy at the time, either! People had birthday parties at the park, or their house and it didn’t cost hundreds of dollars to put one on. We were more worried about calling our friends on the land line after school to see if we could come over and play OUTSIDE until it was time for dinner. 

Today, we’re more concerned with how many likes, or followers we have on social media. We are more fascinated with how perfect our make up and eye brows look. Did we contour enough, not enough, too much? We obsess over how "perfect" other people look behind their camera lens. Kids goals these days are based on what someone looks like on the outside, rather than what is going on on the inside. From young teens and on, sexually exploiting yourself is the normal way to take a picture. 

As mom's, do our kid’s outfits match before I take this picture? We reflect a life on social media that just flat out isn’t always the full story. So many of us compete with a story that is half told. We believe the lies that say you're not the perfect mom if you don’t have a fit size 6 body, with a baby on your hip that you had 6 months ago. You’re not pretty enough if your body doesn’t look like the hourglass shape. You’re not good enough if you work outside the home. You’re not good enough if you eat out 3 times in one week instead of cooking all 7. 

How did we get to this point? Do people even know what it means to be happy, like really?  I’m not hating on social media, it does a lot of good things. But on the other hand, it has DESTROYED our definition of identity.  As parents it is easy to find ourselves caring more about what our kids, friends think about them or us instead of caring about the image we are portraying to our own kids. We are so afraid of our kids getting made fun of that we will buy whatever we have to, to make sure they look the best, have the best, and so on. Don’t get me wrong, I want my kids to have those things and will do what I can in my power to keep them from being made fun of.  This is a hard concept and balance for us social media age driven parents. I’m right in that playing field with you. So how do we get out of this fake world we live in and back to being awkward?  How do we stop pretending to live behind a phone or computer screen and live as who we really are? How do we teach our kids and others to find who you are and embrace it. There is only one you, don't pretend or crave someone else's life, and more importantly don’t disguise your own.

Our culture is so self-driven and motivated that we have become so tangled up in our own web that we block others out. No one like spider webs, am I right? The worst thing ever is walking through one of those nasty things. 

Love yourself, it’s okay. It’s important that we take care of us so we are able to take care of others. However, when we become more obsessed with our own identity we forsake the ability to help someone else discover theirs. If I’ve told my oldest once, I’ve told her a million times. “Life is not all about you” and it’s not all about me or you either. 

Teenager – your awkwardness is really okay – unless you perm your hair in the 11^th grade like a poodle, so don’t try that at home or pay someone professionally for that matter. Discover yourself through YOUR awkwardness, not through someone else’s distorted and filtered image on social media. 

College student, single lady, wife, mom, whoever you are… let’s start a revolution. Let’s love ourselves first of all. Just like we are:  short, tall, round, skinny, flat butt, Kardashian butt (real or not), toned, flabby – own it. Diet and exercise for yourself and your own health, not for the applause of others. Don’t compare yourself and your abilities (or lack of, if that’s how you feel) to anyone else. Don’t worry if you forgot to wax your eyebrows for the 4^th day in a row.  So you’re not into all things Pinterest, who cares – there are hundreds of women like that in this world. 

Let’s stop defining who we are by the culture around us and start defining ourselves by the confidence within us.

If for a second you think you don’t have any, you are so wrong my friend. You may have to search for it, but I promise you it is there. Maybe you need to go back and look at the seeds you also planted while you were being drug through the dirt and find your moment.  If you’re still plowing dirt, keep plowing. Be real. Be loving. Be kind. Be quick to forgive. Be awkward sometimes. Be unfiltered.  And know for every filter you add to your picture, there are hundreds of women doing the same! 

Take 5 minutes and write out YOUR story in the comments below! I would love to read them!

My Journey of Thorns

Am I the only person that has ever been convinced that I wasn't MY own problem? Satan wants to trick us into believing that everyone or everything else is the problem, and not ourselves. We cannot live a successful life, especially Christian life refusing to believe that we may be our problem. Satan doesn’t make his entrance in our circumstances loudly. He is quiet, and sneaks in, in our vulnerable moments that we refuse to allow God to take care of (even unintentionally).

He sees an open door that we haven’t fully shut and begins to dig a comfy spot to take root in. As those roots grow they spread, and they spread deep. Deep in the places that we have suppressed. Deep in the places that we try to forget. Deep in the places that we mentally block out of our minds as though they never happened.

So many times something that started off so small grows into something so significant. My marriage is a good example (for me - not because it's bad, because it's NOT!). Every time I withhold any ill feelings towards Chris (because bless his heart I love him and want to slap him sometimes, too 😂), even over something so minor and insignificant, it always grows and spreads into something more. Simply because I didn’t confess those things, or talk them out of my emotional system. They stayed there and took root. 

I’m not talking about sin in our lives; I’m talking about brokenness, and unconfessed emotional damage that we allow to build up on the inside. Those things that start out very insignificant to our lives as a Christian. However, if we allow them to grow and spread, they will eventually play a significant role in our Christian life. They will affect every single part of us and every part of our lives. They will distort our focus. They will confuse our purpose. More importantly, they will affect the way we restore or destroy ourselves and those around us.

One of the hardest  things I have ever had to deal with is humility. Thankfully we have a God that is gracious and just and full of mercy. Someone asked me recently how I was okay with opening up and sharing so much of myself on my blog. I kind of laughed.  To look back on who I was versus today who I am becoming is night and day. I was VERY secretive about everything in my life. Not that I had anything to hide, I just did not open up to people about anything. What was on the inside of me stayed on the inside. I had even convinced myself that I was something that I wasn’t. I suppressed my emotions because I was too darn prideful to admit that I had any. I was too prideful to allow God to pluck those negative things out of my heart.

I have been married for 11 years, and to this day pride is something I still occasionally struggle with. It has taken me (longer than I would like to admit), to open my heart and receive those things that Chris was/is trying to tell me, instead of rejecting him in my prideful spirit. Sometimes love is tough, even as a Christian. We tend to only like to think of God as rainbows and roses or mean and against us. While roses are beautiful, we all know that there are thorns on those bad boys that will prick you and hurt you. I am in no way saying that God is out trying to hurt you… keep reading.

I am also in no way perfect in this area, but understanding what I’m about to tell you has brought out all of those good things that I was suppressing, too. 

When we suppress the negative things in our life, it also suppresses the positive things that God wants to bring out of us.

The enemy blinds us to that because he knows our what our potential is when we allow God to crack us open. In order for anything to be “cracked open” it has to be punctured or severed open. The process is painful, and it hurts... especially our pride (ugh). 

But beneath all of that pride is humility, grace, forgiveness, restoration, healing, joy, peace, LIFE.

Going through these last couple of heavy and intense months with my dad I had some choices to make. I had NO intentions at ALL of being so open with my dad’s journey. There was never a thought in my mind to do that so vulnerable and exposed. But I made a choice, and in that choice, things happened without me realizing it. I could have either suppressed those emotions or expressed them. 

Suppressing them would have only allowed anger and bitterness to take root. Expressing them blossomed into something more than I could have ever imagined.

The saying, “Every rose has its thorn” couldn’t be truer. This journey hurt and it was painful, but it was also beautiful. I don’t know your journey, but if it is painful maybe God is trying to crack you open, too. The enemy wants you to remain the victim because he knows on the inside is a victor. You choose what you will allow yourself to be.  

The Wrong Definition of Grace

For my entire life, I have been raised in and attended church. I couldn't really tell you too many specific bible stories or Sunday School lessons because there have been SO many and they kind of just run together.  One of the major things I can recall vividly, that has pretty much stuck with me my entire was the story of Grace. I am certain many people will agree, but it seems as though Grace was taught in such a way that you were almost too afraid to use it for what its purposes and intentions are for.

  Now, this is not due to one specific teacher or sermon I heard, as a whole, the church so desperately wanted to keep people on the straight and narrow (rightfully so) that the church didn't do a great job teaching about grace and how it was FOR the Christian, not just the non-christian sinner. 

After all, we're all sinners saved by grace; however, to me grace was really for the "real" sinner because it's just not okay for you to mess up once Jesus begins living in your heart. Stay with me here... 

The church is made up of people, human beings, that are imperfect and trying to do their best. In doing so, it is so easy to focus on something so much that you kind of miss the point. 

Fast forward 15-20 years, and the church as a whole has and is doing a much better, I will even say a great job on talking about and teaching on grace. I will insert, I do see some taking it a little too far; but they will stand accountable for that.  Back to where I'm going with this. I have struggled for as long as I can remember with failing, messing up, and doing things wrong, that I lost my focus on the healing and restoration that comes in grace.

Several  years ago, it was as though the light bulb went off and I understood that grace was for ME. If I blew it, I had a hard time letting God forgive me because I messed up and did not deserve forgiveness. (Please know, NO one has ever told me that, this was my own interpretation of how I let the enemy rob me in this area - super important to note!) 

After Chris and I married, it didn't take too long for the "disputes" to make themselves at home, if you know what I mean?! We both had a lot baggage we brought with us in our marriage. Not against each other, just in our own personal lives. As we started unpacking that baggage over time, there was a lot of forgiveness that took place. It was easy for me to forgive him, but forgiving myself and getting over my issues was not so easy.

It was a struggle. Again, grace. It's for me in my marriage? That just wasn't a concept that I had.

Fast forward a few years and we become parents. That baggage I brought in with me when I got married, yeah it came with me as I became a mom. Days and months, and years of feeling like I've blown this thing as a mom kept piling on.

Back I go to asking for forgiveness because I sincerely knew I had to ask for it, but forgiving myself, and accepting forgiveness...grace for me, again, it wasn't really a concept. 

I can vividly remember the day that I became aware that grace was for me. Grace was there to encourage me, usher in mercy that I really didn't deserve; but because God loves me he offers it to me. Grace was there for me to lean on heavily when I blew it and couldn't find all of the pieces to put back together. Grace was there for me to slowly start unpacking my baggage and leaving it at the altar. Grace was there for me to remind me that everything is going to be okay. Grace was there to soften my somewhat harden heart. Grace was there to carry me. Grace was there to erase those things that I couldn't stop reliving and playing out in my mind. Grace was there for me to rest in when my heart was weary.

Grace was there to stand in my place. Grace doesn't remove the consequences of our actions; but it loves us through them. 

Being a mom, has ashamedly brought out the worst of me at times. When push came to shove, those years of hiding from grace just made their way  forward and if I thought I needed grace then, did I ever need it now! 

Grace has also taught me, that when you stop picking out the flaws in everyone else, God shows you the areas they need grace in their life, too. Not because of their wrong doings, but because of the hurt inside. Hurt they haven't dealt with, refuse to deal with, or feel as though they aren't worthy. I'll even go out on a limb a say maybe it's because they refuse to believe in it.  

Grace exist for you in every aspect of your life.  It's not just when you say that first prayer of forgiveness. It's not just when you know you need to ask for it. It's not for just when you feel kind of guilty. It's for covering your multitude of sins. It's for covering those moments when you blow it. It's for the moments when you just can't get it right. It's for those times when you move forward 3 steps and back 5. It's for moments, when you didn't do anything wrong, you just need encouragement. 

When you let Grace work in your life, the way it was designed for, it will be easier for you to extend grace to those around you. 

One fear I always have if I'm flying somewhere is my luggage getting lost, stolen, or sent to another state/country. It's a scary and almost naked feeling to not have your belongings with you. In life, carrying your "luggage" around with you will only hurt and destroy you, after all your problems aren't meant for you to struggle with. 

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Jesus. The Beach & Chicken Strips

It never ceases to amaze me how God is always present in every situation we encounter, even when he seems far away.  

He is always so personal and specific to what we need to hear, feel, etc. This week while Chris was gone, I struggled greatly with my kids. As bad as their behavior was at times I found myself being the ultimate source of the problem. I also found myself with the answer to my problem, I was just to stubborn to take advantage of it.

We're in a series at church about the Holy Spirit and it has been incredible. I had the strong desire Sunday when I left church to want to become more engaged and in tune with allowing the Holy Spirit to move and operate in my life on a more deeper level. Satan knows exactly where to throw the punches below the belt, and for me that is with my kids and their behavior; but also my response and reactions. 

This week was just bad, no other way to describe it.

I had a long time praying with God yesterday and was so convicted and encouraged. This power that as a Christian I have access to, I wasn't utilizing. What I wanted on Sunday wasn't evident in my life at all this week because of my lack of trying. There are some changes happening in my life that are good, even despite the fact that they caught me totally off guard. For some time now God has been dealing with me more in areas of fulfilling the call he has on my life. I have been so consumed with the growing passion I've had for IT (the calling) that I've neglected THE calling in my own home, if I may be honest. 

It's hard for me - and that is no excuse whatsoever. I butt heads with my girls, I have a temper when things don't go my way, my anxiety kicks in and all kinds of emotions go crazy in me. I have said multiple times in my head, "I am not good enough or right for this mom job" not because I don't love my kids, but because I allow them to trigger the worst parts of me. I even freaked out on Chris this week because he said something that I took the wrong way and I ran with it. 

What am I trying to say? I'm a visual person... I picture my life in levels, and when I get one level accomplished, or taken care of I move to the next. 

The Bible talks about the man who built his house on the sand and the man who built his house on the rock. I love how the Message version puts it (while some may disagree, that's okay!).

 Matt. 7:24-27 "24-25 “These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.

26-27 “But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a foolish carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.”

Regardless of what ever level in life you're on, if you're foundation at the bottom isn't solid everything you've built on it, added to it, accomplished and so on will collapse if the words you have heard and said amen to doesn't become the foundation underneath all of those things. 

Maybe it's your marriage that's falling apart. Maybe it's relationships with your kids. Maybe it's your health. Maybe it's choices you're making. Maybe it's not saying no to things you should be. Maybe it's things you refuse to get over. Maybe it's life, just that word says enough. 

As I sit in Zaxby's writing this, I'm reminded of our trip we took to the beach last year. In fact that's why I came here for lunch because I am missing the beach badly. I had Zaxby's for the first time last year at the beach. I LOVE the beach, and that capital l.o.v.e is a major understatement. The beach just makes me feel all kinds of lovely feelings. The atmosphere, the sound of the ocean, the SMELL of the ocean. I can't get enough of it. As gorgeous, and all of the other amazing things the beach is, it's just sand, water, maybe some rocky places that the water crashes into, and the open sky. Not a thing solid about it. Sure, people build houses on it, but they're built on posts sticking out of the ground, not on an actual foundation. 

Can I encourage you? If it feels like life is crashing in on you. If you are like me and you have rocks on your sandy beach, per say, and the water is crashing into and over you. If any of those things I mentioned above, or didn't mention are affecting you, what is your life built on? I've heard all the right words, they've impacted me, changed me, and challenged me, yet sometimes I only use them when it's convenient, or takes little effort of me.  God has given us ALL that we need to live this life the best way we can live it. SO often we still try to do it on our own. I 100% believe if I would have acted on and worked in the desires and thoughts I had last Sunday, this week would have been totally different for me. Sure my kids may have acted the same, but I would have REacted totally different. I am confident that I wouldn't have felt as discouraged, flustered, more importantly powerless.  Life is chaotic, I get it. But how much LESS would the chaos effect us if we allowed the Holy Spirit to effect us and operate in us? So many Christians are afraid of the Holy Spirit, and that's a lie straight from the enemy. Satan knows how powerful and NEEDED the Holy Spirit is to our Christian life. 

None of us like driving in a car in the dead heat of summer without A/C. What if you went ALL summer hating life, sweating to death and you were the problem. You never turned the A/C on. Time after time Christians continue to live without tapping into their power supply because it takes effort. It takes effort shutting the world out and just spending time in God's presence. It requires a sacrifice of our time. It requires us getting off of our phones (throw's stones in own face). 

Turn on your A/C. If you don't have any, Jesus gave himself for you for free, you're only a prayer away. 

Thirsty and Blindfolded

I read this Good Morning America {click} article and wanted to get mad, real mad, okay maybe I am mad. 

I can sit on that anger and complain or I can put the same amount of effort it takes to get and stay mad and pray. What if as Christians we all did that? It is so much easier to get mad and stay there, more than it is to pray. Pray continuously, maybe spend time fasting in prayer. Not because I want God to make "this" issue go away, but for the souls and lives that the enemy is blinding and taking captive. This is more than a "cultural" issue, it's a heart issue. It's a real issue. There are so many more real issues. The enemy is a real issue. BUT...so is the one who created our bodies, without making a gender mistake, or any other mistake for that matter.

 I've kept quiet and generally keep quiet on "touchy" subjects for my own personal reasons. I just can't anymore. 

I took my kids to the park tonight and on the way home tonight they were dyyyyyyying of thirst. Crying, mad, angry, hateful... Sounds familiar, right? Our bedtime bible story tonight, dated today's date (May 12th) was titled "Thirsty Souls." Funny how God works, right?! Keep reading... 

Referring to John 4:14 that says, "but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst again. For the water I give them to drink will bring eternal life." 

This world is thirsty. People in this world are thirsty. NOTHING can or ever will quench that thirst except for Jesus. You can search your identity through and through; question if there really is a God; mask your hurts with drugs and alcohol; sleep with every person that temporarily makes you feel good; watch things that give an immediate satisfaction; physically hurt yourself to make the real pain go away; but you're still thirsty. 

Why, simply put, it doesn't quench that longing thirst. 

How crazy would it be of my kids to sit there and continue to throw a fit at me and reject the ice cold water that I am trying to give them because they are soooooo thirsty, yet, I have what they need and ultimately want? This happens every day in people's lives. When we put a blindfold on someone we do it for a reason. We don't want them to see the surprise or whatever it is that is on the other side. 

Satan works the exact same way.

Where I work I pass people living on the streets and begging for money at the street corners. Chris preached a message to our students a few Wednesday nights ago about Peter and John and the lame beggar. I have not stopped thinking about that message.  They simply told the man, I don't have any money to give you but I have Jesus, take my hand and get up. The man got up HEALED, went leaping and running because he found his hope, his thirst was satisfied. Peter and John had an experience with Jesus before encountering this man and they didn't keep that experience to themselves. They took it and did something with it and that's exactly what we as Christians should be doing and CAN do. 

This last week God has been impressing some things on my heart that are way outside of my comfort zone and I mean comfort as in stepping in shoes I've never walked in before. It's fixing to be summer and I felt like God told me to start carrying bottles of water in my car and when I'm at lunch or going to and from work to quickly stop and hand them a cold bottle of water. (Using wisdom here!) Through the tossing of this idea, I decided if I'm going to do this I want and need to pray over these bottles of water.  Sounds silly to some, I get it. But, to pray that these bottles mean more to them than water they can physically touch. I've tossed this back and forth in my mind all week actually AND then I read tonight's devotional to my kids about thirsty souls. Giving these people a cold bottle of water may meet there immediate need, but... just what if it met their real need?

If you know Jesus and have encountered Him. I want to encourage you to quit keeping your experience to yourself. This world is full of hurting, angry and mad thirsty people and you have their answer. Maybe they are too blinded by the enemy to see the water in your hand. So pray over them. Instead of casting judgement and your angry opinions of their lifestyle(s) over them cast the love of Christ over them. They're dying of thirst and nothing you do will satisfy that until you offer them Jesus, and until they can see their need for Him. 

If you haven't experienced Jesus before, I hope after you have read this your curiosity has turned into a desire to know Him. Maybe you have encountered Jesus before, but you're currently not present in the relationship. He is still there, waiting on and waiting for you. 

Imagine that feeling you have when it's 110 degrees outside and your mouth is SO dry and parched and all you keep saying, is "I'm dyyyyyyyyyyyyyying." 

Sound familiar?

Is he worthy of you?

Let me clear the air real quick. This message was originally sent to and directed towards teenage girls; however, this message needs to be told to and heard by any female that is single, dating, or engaged.

Let’s talk… about boys/guys/men/relationships/YOU.

If you haven't already, find a place where you can sit alone and think about something…  Think about the kind of guy you want to date, what kind of man you want to marry. I'm not talking about looks, or materialistic things. I'm talking about the character, Christian living, respectful (of you, your body and your image), their lifestyle… all of those kinds of things. Write those thoughts down and keep them close.

Let’s talk about you first.

Do you date the next guy that walks in and shows interest in you, or are you careful to see what their relationship with Jesus is like first? Do you know your self-worth and value? If you don't, let me just tell you. You are worth SO much. Your heart, body and body image is worth so much. Your walk with Christ is worth so much... Don't compromise that or walk away from Jesus because of a guy/relationship. There is NO perfect guy out there, just like you aren't perfect. But there is someone out there that is perfect for you. Save your heart emotional damage and don't date just any guy. Jesus looks at you as a prized possession whose heart should be kept safe and protected. Don't allow any guy to destroy that or you!

Let’s take this conversation deeper.

Any guy that is more interested in what is going on underneath your clothes is not worthy of you. Any guys that is more interested in you in any sexual way, is not worthy of you. Any guy that talks disrespectfully to you or of other females is no guy worthy of you. Any guy that is more consumed with his self is no guy worthy of you. Any guy that makes you do things that you know are not right, is no guy worthy of you. Any guy that makes you feel uncomfortable, is NO guy worthy of you.

Any guy that loves Jesus and follows Him, is worthy of you. Any guy that realizes you're cute and attractive but knows self-control, is worthy of you. Any guy that respects you as a girl/lady and puts you before himself, is worthy of you. Any guy that knows the sexual desire is real and there, yet knows you're BOTH worth waiting for until marriage, is worthy of you. Any guy that pursues Jesus and worships him more than he worships you, is worthy of you.  Any guy that seeks God for his life is worthy to have you in his.

Guard your heart. Protect your body. Don't post pictures of yourself on social media that would lure a guy in - you are degrading yourself. Don't send guys inappropriate pictures of yourself - you are degrading yourself. It feels great to know someone finds you attractive, but don't for a second give your image to a "boy" who wants your body first and not your heart. They aren't attracted to you they are attracted to sin. God has called you to stand up for yourself and live your life to honor him in all that you do. God has SO much for your life; don't allow Satan to use your emotions/feelings to destroy you and your heart.

Be bold. Be brave. Be pure. Be different. Be the kind of girl your future husband is praying for.

Stop living and looking for the next guy that walks in, and let God bring the perfect guy he created for you, to you! You are a prized possession that should always be cherished. 

Shame

Wants to grab a hold of you and choke every bit of life and worth out of you. One bad decision, one mistake, one mess up, one slip up, that’s all it takes to become ridden with shame and guilt. Maybe it is a constant series of wrong choices and mess ups that has you there. Maybe it’s an old habit that slipped up. Maybe it’s a onetime mistake that you can’t get rid of. Whatever it is, shame is lingering there leaving you feeling defeated and worthless. You want to run and hide from the crowd. You don’t want to go back to the place where you messed up because you remember the faces of those around you that watched you mess up. You don’t want God to help you because it feels better to hide from Him instead. You don’t really know how to ask God for help because you’ve already asked one hundred times before, yet here you are again.

The first humans to ever be created felt the same guilt and shame. Yet, through God’s mercy and love towards them (us) he still chose to use them. It would have been so easy for God to destroy them, and start over. But he didn’t.  

Can I be completely honest? Some days I feel like I completely SUCK at parenting. I overreact, get flustered, and let my emotions show too much. I don’t know about you, but Satan absolutely loves to mess with my mind. This day in particular, I overreacted with one of my precious kids and Satan went all kinds of crazy on me. It wasn’t immediate though. Just as soon as I was about to drift off to sleep that night, shame came over me and in that moment my mind went to so many extremes. I immediately begin to make a plan on how I was going to withdraw to myself and not face the people I overreacted in front of. I had every good excuse going. I woke up the next morning and tried to pray it out, but couldn’t. There was a cloud over me that I couldn’t break through.  

Plan B... Change my prayer from being about me and my sorry self (how I felt at the time) to facing the enemy head on instead of cowering down to him. After all, life isn’t all about me. For the rest of the afternoon I begin to breakthrough that cloud. As soon as that “shame” and embarrassed feeling would creep in, I literally had to shake off those feelings. Chris and I had a “discussion” the other morning (before the above situation) and he lovingly told me, “You have to stop allowing your feelings dictate how you live your life. Just because you don’t like how something is going, doesn’t mean you allow that feeling to control you. You choose to be happy or be miserable, and you need to start making better choices.” Now, while that may sound harsh. I’m glad he loves me enough to speak truth and life to me even when it’s hard. I started to get defensive, which is normally how I would react but this time I didn’t… because he was exactly right.

The shame and guilt you feel shouldn’t control how you live. Feeling guilty, ashamed, or sorry isn’t always a bad thing.  The Holy Spirit loves us enough to make us aware that we need to make better choices in our life. However, what we do with those emotions is up to us. We either hold on to the shame and guilt, which is what Satan wants, or we turn them over the Jesus. He took our guilt and shame so we wouldn’t have to live with it and in it.

As Easter approaches, all I can think about is that Jesus did not suffer and die a painful death for us to live in shame. He took ALL of that to the grave with him. What if Jesus only lived by his feelings? He himself spent time praying in the garden of Gethsemane because he was so overwhelmed with anguish over what he was fixing to do. Even Jesus tried to skirt around facing death, but he knew his purpose on this earth wasn’t only about him. It was about you and I. 

  

To you… struggling mom, feeling like a failure dad, trying to be a good parent, mistake making, and bad decision making individual Jesus suffered so you wouldn’t have to. He was raised to life, so you can have life.

He who the Son sets free, will be free indeed. John 8:36

{Indeed: certainly, undeniably, definitely}